Lies I Made Up. -Radical Warren

24 February 2012
Comments Off

Not to brag, but I’m kinda known for my lying.  I wouldn’t say that I’m actually a liar, but my sense of humor  doesn’t lend to constantly qualifying every exaggeration with “just kidding”. Although, it is kinda fun to say that sometimes when it’s blatantly obvious; “Abe Lincoln invented slavery  in order to divide the country and get himself elected… just kidding”.

The problem is, when I’m speaking about something that might be considered esoteric, I am sometimes believed, or at least thought a liar or an imbecile.   Absurdity is at it’s best when grounded by reasonability.  I used to post these lies to facebook, until people began telling me in private that they had believed me on one or two and they now can no longer trust my wolf crying. Still, when am I ever going to need to cry wolf for real?

So here are a few of my lies for you to enjoy. I have couched them with the title “Lies I Made Up” to settle the fears of even the most gullible.  That said, feel free to throw them around at work or whatever to screw with people.

-Radical Warren (not my real name)


 

  • Thanks to a loophole accidentally created by the Earl Warren court, it is not illegal to preform surgery without a license as long as everyone involved signs a contract, it is videotaped, all parties are being paid at least one dollar and they file a 1099.

 

  • Don’t forget, tomorrow is “post an erroneous suicide note as your facebook status, then stay offline for the rest of the day and ignore calls from your mom” day.

 

  • Anyone else remember the episode of Blossom where Six got pregnant and tried to give herself a miscarriage but breaks her leg and at the hospital she finds out she just had a bunch of ovarian cysts? I can’t find it on youtube. Joey tells her she should ride a bike down some stairs. Then they cut to her hopping into Blossom’s living holding a bent wheel. She makes a super weird joke about being disappointed when she didn’t pee blood. I think it was a reference to the movie RAD or something.


  • I would have filed that particular episode under “very special”. It had a very different tone compared to the others. I think they made us watch it in junior high that year when the health teacher and the principal were escorted out in the middle of the day and reappointed to separate schools of the district.

 

  • When getting pulled over for speeding in Massachusetts, if you say “thank you” to the cop and he doesn’t say “you’re welcome”, you don’t have to pay the ticket.

 

  • Family Ties was originally pitched as an overt episodic modernization of Chekhov’s Cherry Orchard, but the plot was dumbed down after Michael J. Fox revealed he could not grow a beard.

 

  • A skunk can’t spray you if you charge it.

 

  • If you drink black cherry powered drink mix made with salt instead of sugar you will sweat pink.

 

  • In Canada, lawyers cannot own property. Also, they call them barristers and they are never permitted to wear short pants in public.

 

  • In the 13th century, apples were considered immoral because the looked exactly like the supple rear end of a woman. Not a young woman, but one who looks young for her age and walks up stairs often. After a systematic eradication of trees bearing particularly distracting fruit, apples no longer resemble plump buttocks. Also, they don’t cure cancer anymore.

Kim is a girl drink drunk

22 February 2012

Kimberly writes a beer blog. There, now you’re up to speed.  While she isn’t necessarily opposed to reviewing quality beer, that’s not always the focus. The fact is that most beers that are marketed to people her age in the California college town where she lives, are not  sold on quality.  Roger Ebert doesn’t just review the good movies. We need to know about the clunkers too.

Her latest offering has a “girl drink” theme. Would you assume that this is all about fruit in the glass and sugar on the rim? If so, you would assume incorrectly.

Learn all about what she thinks constitutes a girl drink in the world of three dollar six packs at KimWar!


ASF #26 – MICE 2011

10 February 2012
Comments Off


In this exciting episode of ASF, we check out MICE (The Massachusetts Independent Comics Expo).

Matt calls in sick and Randall jumps into the power vacuum to assist Chris with the interviews.

Is Matt’s job is jeopardy? No. No. That’s just silly. It doesn’t matter how fun and cool Randall is. Or that he’s got like the best toys. Don’t put any weight into the fact that Randall did a great job and has a cool stinger. Or the fact that Chris is literally moving out of the house that Matt lives in and moving in with Randall. Which is a real thing by the way that is totally happening.

On another note (pun), we paid our house band, Taking Care of Breakfast, 20 dollars to make Randall a theme song. We’re still trying to get that money back.

 

Quotable Notables:

Treesandhills.org

Masscomics.com

Paperrocketcomics.com

Theragbox.com

Bostoncomicsroundtable.com

Ninthartpress.com

Joseluisolivares.com

Lightriot.com

Contriveathon.livejournal.com

Adriannunez.com

Riverbirdcomics.com

 

(MORE TO COME)

Download


ASF #25 – Mecaf 2011

24 September 2011
Comments Off


Chris and Matt go to MeCaf (the Maine Comics Art Festival) 2011… in May.  Yeah.  It’s been a little while since our last episode, but we still talked to some awesome people who deserve to be heard!

 

Including:

Gynn Stella, writer/artist/co-founder of Dandelion Studios.

www.dandelionstudios.com

We also talk about Missi Penya, artist for their book Perils of Picorna.
Zinmay.deviantart.com
Chris speaks to cartooning educator, creator, and wandering comics journalist Marek Bennett.  Marek’s latest project is a book of travel comics from his journey to Slovakia.  Why Slovakia?  Find out here:

http://marekslovakia.wordpress.com/about/

www.marekbennett.com

We talk to writer/artist Steve Seck about his continuing saga of an unemployed beer bottle and an alligator.  Really.  As they try to find love and employment in the big city.

Steve Seck: http://www.secktacular.com/

Also from New Jersey, Sara Lindo, who has some sweet tales of Carl, a cone-head looking for love, wall-street cats, and brain buddies.

Sara Lindo:http://www.thelindo.com/

and
Dave Kender: writer of the graphic-novel in-progress about the balance of power and perspective between three different generations and cultures in one fictional urban neighborhood known as The Ragbox.

http://www.theragbox.com/

Dave also shares the secret creation myth of the Boston Comics Roundtable, a collective of comics artists and writers in the Boston area:

http://www.bostoncomicsroundtable.com/

 

 

Download

 


ASF #24 – Drive Angry Review

31 March 2011
Comments Off


The boys present a review of Drive Angry: Shot in 3D. They also discover that the reason they don’t record two podcasts in a row at the pub is that’s it’s good to be sober for at least a portion of the recording.

 

Links forthcoming

 

 

Download

 


ASF #23 – CCS Appreciation Week

11 March 2011
Comments Off


In honor of CCS Appreciation Week Matt, Chris, Denis, and David throw back a few beers and open up about their college days.

 

Links:

The Center for Cartoon Studies

Denis St. John

David Yoder

Atomic Age Cinema

SCAD

The Kubert School

That school where you have to draw the turtle.

The Comics Journal

 

 

Download

 


A Word from Kimberly

14 January 2011
Comments Off

Kimberly Warren


I don’t normally repost things from other peoples blogs, but this is an exception. Kimberly is my sister and I’ve asked her permission to  pass on this particular blog entry.  As for my reasons for wanting to exhibit her story on ASF?  When I was in elementary school I had gigantic coke bottle glasses, a corrective self adhesive eye patch, and a chip in my front tooth where a bully had pushed me on the ground and kicked me with both feet in the face.   Didn’t we all though?       – Radical Warren

How to Create an Awkward Little Girl

Today I met an eleven-year-old girl who was getting her first pair of glasses. Her mother told me that next week the girl is going to have braces put on. This means that, by next year, she’ll be in the seventh grade with glasses and braces. And everyone knows that the seventh grade is single cruelest thing ever created (this list goes something like, The seventh grade, Hitler, the DMV, and so on*), and I really wanted to say something to make her feel better, because the mother had gone to the trouble to tell me she was getting braces, but all I could come up with was, “I had glasses and braces at your age. If nothing else, it’ll give you a lot of material for your future comedy routine.”

Its my ability to give stellar life lessons that makes me a good optometric technician. Maybe.

*I know what you’re probably thinking. Hilter is eviler than the seventh grade. Well, you can just go right on believing that if you want, but all I’m saying is, Hitler had to endure the seventh grade. And if his seventh grade experience was anything like my seventh grade experience, it explains a lot of his lifestyle choices.

- Kimberly Warren


ASF #22 – Brightest Day

12 January 2011
Comments Off


Matt and Chris don’t talk that much about mainstream comics, but they’ve really been enjoying DC comics’ Brightest Day ongoing event. A trade just came out compiling the first distinct arc, so this seemed to be a great chance to talk about it.

Chris fucks up near the end. At one point he says that the Velocity Cruz Reader has the same size screen as the Velocity Cruz Tablet. While they both have 7” screens, the Reader has a 4:3 ratio and the Tablet is available both 4:3 and 16:9. That means that the 16:9 Tablet has less viewable screen area. Chris found this out when he bought a Tablet and then quickly returned it when he realized his comics looked like crap. Glad we got that all settled.

Links:

Brightest Day

The Velocity Cruz

Matt’s new journal comic

Chris’ new H.P. Lovecraft comic

Girl Guy Gardener (Girl Gardener?)

Dead Man

Dead Man (The shitty movie)

Dead Man ( The Band)

Dead Man’s Hand (A comic anthology that Matt and Chris edited that has nothing to do with DC comics)

Dead Man’s Porn (Another band that has a less appropriate name.)

Download


ASF #21 – MICE, Honey & Stinging

27 October 2010
Comments Off


Matt and Chris trot trot to MICE.  Did they have a good time? Did they meet anyone? Did they get accosted by a 400 pound dude name “Silent Carl” who demanded that they kiss but thank God Matt knows Kung-Fu? Listen and find out.

Links of Note:

M.I.C.E.

Absinthe

Jeveli’s Terminal J Lounge ( Matt’s love for this place is suspicious in it’s intensity)

Randall Drew (aka “Rough n’ Ready Randall” aaka “Rootin’-Tootin’ Randall)

Download


ASF #20 – News From The Exo-burbs

23 September 2010
Comments Off


In the first of two parts, Chris & Matt interview Dan Mazur, one of the first-time organizers of M.I.C.E. (The Massachusetts Independent Comics Expo) three days before the debut of the show. Experience one of Matt’s proudest moment in segues, Chris’ most triumphant audio tech achievements, and Dan’s acceptance of “the weird, the fringe, and the marginal…”

M.I.C.E. is a free show dedicated to independent, alternative, small-press, and self-published comics, webcomics and ‘zines. It’s taking place at the Art Institute of Boston, 700 Beacon Street, Boston, MA 02215 on September 25th from 10:00 AM – 6:00 PM.

Join us next time when we meet up again with Dan after the show (and the inevitable post-show bender) to hear what the experience of putting on a first time comics expo!

Links of Note:

M.I.C.E.

Art Institute of Boston

Dan Mazur

Boston Comics Roundtable

Boston Train System

Download


« Previous PageNext Page »